Dear John

So I'm pretty much losing my mind. I'm trying so hard to get you out of my mind, I really am John. I would never try to make you more mad, or uncomfortable, or annoyed at me; but I just can't help it. You have seriously made me hate myself. It's because of you I wake up every morning debating if I want to live or die.

I have no one to turn to. I have no where to go. I can't stop crying. I see you every where.

Why am I not good enough for you? Why won't you even talk to me? Why do you hate me so much?

The only reason I messaged your sister, telling her that we were dating is because I wanted you to be happy. I knew that you would hate me for it, but that didn't stop me. I love you so much that I was willing to sacrifice you, for you to be happy.

Coming out was one of the best things I have ever done. I am reassured that it is such a good thing every time I help someone else come out. It is a "re-birthing" process, and gives you things in life that wouldn't if you stay closeted.

You are so happy now, you have told me several times. What would have happened if I didn't Out you? Would you be just as happy? That's just a rhetoric question for you to think about.

I'm not even sure why I'm writing this to you. I have the weirdest feelings towards you. I hate your decisions merely because they hurt me. You can call that selfish, but either way I still hurt. I don't understand how you can just discard me like nothing ever happened. It's like you just want to erase me out of your life completely. Is that your aim?

How could you even Want to forget about me? Didn't I show you how much I loved you? You may think I was crazy, but that is just it. I was crazy about you John. I told you once before and I will say it again; there is no one out there that loves you the same way I do.

Is it simply that my love isn't good enough for you? Can you not handle it? For such a smart guy, you are lacking one major human emotion: Compassion.

You left me so many unanswered questions when you broke up with me. There was no closure what-so-ever. I at Least deserve some sort of answers. I am killing myself every day over you. I don't want to replace you with another person, 'cause that is just not right. People tell me I need another relationship to direct the feelings I have into something productive. Well see, these people are Not the brightest. I am disheartened to see you doing the same thing.

Truth be told, I have been using this horrible pit of emotions for something way more productive. I have been doing lots of studying and research since you broke my heart. One interesting thing I ran across was the study of love. Having the feeling of being heartbroken is the strongest human emotion a human can feel. It is equivalent to a heroin addicts need for more drugs to shoot up. It gives a human the strongest desire to get that person back. They will do anything for it, they distort reality, and will drive until they get it.

I have to thank you for breaking my heart, because with those horrible feelings, I turned it around and projected my desire and need for you and your love, to get me the fame I have always felt I was going to have instead. It's one of the smartest things I have done since you left me. I would not have anything I do now, if it wasn't for your heartless-ness. I have many fans that Love my work and ways of thinking. I have met so many great people that Dream as I do, and I never would have survived without them. So in that aspect, I thank you.

It would be beautiful if you could come and share what I created because of you, with me. I know that is only just a fantasy of mine, but it wasn't too long ago that we were talking about opening a business, or becoming famous together. Have you lost your own dreams and desires?

That would surely be ironic because I would be the perfect person to come to. I am the Dream Teacher, John.
You helped me to Dream again. How can I help you?

I'm not sure if you will even respond to this e-mail, let alone even read it. I hope you find in your heart some form of Compassion, because I'm always here and you're Always in my heart.